It's Time To Come Home

With my parents and youngest sister, Alicia

For many years I have noticed a trend in our nation. Masculinity has been under attack. I am not talking about machismo which is not the same thing. It is a perversion of it, as well as many of the other misogynistic ways of thinking that have been popular over the years. A lot of people seem to think that the way to level the playing field is to knock manhood down instead of elevating the position of women in society. While it has been wrong for women to feel subjugated to the desires and demands of men, it is not a good reaction to diminish the role of the masculine in society. We are seeing many social ills today because some have ridiculed the role of men in society and because many men have abdicated their roles, not feeling like they have anything important to offer.

I am not proposing a return to barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. That was not God's design for us. It is a creation of men that wanted control and power over women and used their strength as a tool to get it, along with some unBiblical religious justification. There is a proper role for both men and women in society. It is wrong to look at is as a superior and inferior or master and servant role as many have done. The proper roles of men and women are fully complimentary and are required to live in a healthy society. In some ways, the roles may seem clear cut but in many ways, these roles are transient and can change with needs of the moment. A woman may be gifted in an area that will naturally cause her to become the chief breadwinner. A husband or wife could become  incapacitated forcing the spouse to handle dual roles or pick up some slack. The main purpose of these roles is the  security of children and the progress of society. Both men and women must live sacrificially towards the need of the other for either of these goals to be achieved.

Because we have faced such a backlash of the misogynistic views held by many for a long time, men have lost their identity and their understanding in society and in their families. Many marriages have become throw away and many men have left or neglected their families as a result. They never saw their role as much more than as a breadwinner and now even that has been taken from them since it is now not uncommon for the wives to out earn them. There is an emasculation happening, not because wives make more but because we have stopped valuing the masculine in much of our society. Men without identity make lousy dads and they know it. Part of the role of the dad is to pass on a sense of identity and belonging that ties the child to the bigger story, one that says you came from somewhere and you have a destiny to run after. A man that has lost His identity cannot pass those things on. The insecurities that causes him to face cause him to turn from his family in shame.

The role of a dad is not only to pass on identity but to be the protector and guardian of the home. He sees that people are provided for and have a secure place to come home to. As society rejected these roles for men, children suffered. When mom became the primary bread winner, dad lost one of the key elements of his identity. If he could not provide, could he keep his family safe? Over the last several years, more and more men have abandoned their families when they answered no to that question. They have felt the inadequacies of their diminished role and rejected it. Unfortunately they have rejected the family that they were supposed to guard. Many children grow up today with little to no connection to their natural dads. It is taking a toll on society. It is time to call dads back home.

It is easy to fingerpoint and blame men for leaving their families. It is also easy to blame the changing role of women and their seeming empowerment that has happened in the last 40 years for all of these changes but I think it is something far more cleaver and intentional. I believe that our families have been under attack and it is not from any of the usual suspects, though some of them have been unwitting pawns in this predicament. Feminism, the media, employers, the government, the homosexual community, none of them have caused this problem. Some of them have grown up around and out of it though. The fall of masculinity is a spiritual battle and the warplan for it originated in Hell. The devil hates families. He has been out to destroy them for a long time. He hates the traditional intact family because it represents the eternal family that God is creating in Jesus. The devil cannot destroy families directly but he has been steadily eroding them by dropping little thoughts that cause dissatisfaction. This is not to justify the faults of past family models. There are real things wrong in the respective roles of men and women at many times in history. It is only to clarify the need to fix the model and get rid of the flaws rather than to scrap it altogether.

We know that children are more likely to succeed in two parent families. Divorce increases the likelihood of health issues for children. It increases the odds of living in poverty. There is a direct correlation between divorce and poor performance in school. Children of divorce are more likely to end up incarcerated. Here is one link but there are many others if you look up success statistics of children of divorce. The numbers are scary and as divorce rates climb or the breakup of cohabiting parents increases, more children will be left growing up minus one parent, usually the dad.

Children and Divorce Statistics, Very Well Family

I am not saying that divorce is always the wrong answer. There are times that it is the only solution. What I am saying is that it is worth the fight to try and fix the problems. Men need to be taught how to be dads and husbands. The hate filled, anti-masculine rhetoric needs to stop. Both parents must be encouraged to give themselves wholly to their relationship and their family. Dad's need to know that their role matters. Moms need to know that it is harmful for their health and for their children for them to try and play the role of both parents. The devil needs to know that  your family is worth fighting for and to be reminded that he has already lost the battle. Fight for your family.

In Lk 1:17, Jesus restated the plan of God stated in Mal 4:6 that He would turn the hearts of the fathers to the children. Your family is God's plan. He designed it so you could see Him through it and reveal Him to the world in it. The family is supposed to be the place of love and security for each member to grow and thrive. Husbands and wives are to love and encourage one another to fulfill the purposed of God in their live and to model a mutual, loving commitment to each other. The devil has a plan but God has a better plan and He has the authority to implement it. He is calling dads home and restoring families. He wants to reunite families because He wants to reveal His heart.

Will you let Him restore yours and strengthen your marriage?

Mal 4:6 ESV - And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction."

Luk 1:17 ESV - and he will go before him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready for the Lord a people prepared."